Sugar=Fat

Assalamua'laikum

First of all, i would like to thank for all your supportive words. 

maaf, saya tak reply each of your comments sbb rasa helpless sangat. 

but i want u to know i appreciate and it helps me a lot.hugs uols tight!

To-date, after consolidate and discuss with hubs, boss and family, my operation date will be on 23 May 2012..then mc sebulan (yahooo!)

As of now,saya dah start ok cuma perasan skang nih terlebih2 sensitif plak..sume benda tak kena kt mata saya..sian husband.

harap2 dia maafkan saya

ok..now saya nak share something positive

last night me+hubs watched a discovery program at AFC channel

Tajuk dia kalau tak silap..

THE BIG FAT REALITY

quite interesting

story pasal all these while kita disogokkan dengan mitos yang tak benar

basically dia kate,pakar and doctor nowadays pun not really sure what is the best health food practice 

since now people dah start aware psl kesihatan,so everytime kite nk beli any food kite akan cek the ingredients first

otak kita akan automatically reject if yang content banyak lemak

if ikut logik..yes..betul..fat (lemak)=gemuk

but it is good fat

when we're focusing too much pada fat,we use another alternative which we think healthy

but unfortunately, that is not the fact

the highest contributor kepada kegemukan now adalah sugar/carb yang ada dlm white rice,white bread,pasta,kentang (just name a fews yg dia sebut dlm tuh)

all these type of foods contains xxx halus (sori...i x ingat name dia)

mcm dekat afrika..diorg kaya dengan minyak sawit and diorg process the oil manually

then masakan diorang mmg base minyak sawit

yg jd issue di afrika adalah they are not balance

they have minyak sawit,but zat2 lain diorang takde

it's really good info

yes..i know nasi mmg penyumbang besar kepada keberatan badan saya yg amat nih tp buat donno je..tekak melayu la katakan

but smlm dh agree ngan hubs..eat brown rice (matiklamahal) and brown bread

hopefully AFC will repeat the program (usually mcm tuh la kan..hihii)

ok..c later..

daaaa..

Trauma by HSG

Happy Friday!

I took the whole morning today, thinking of the best sentence should i put here.

Sesungguh nya Allah Maha Besar, ini adalah bahagian utk saya

(reminder:this entry might be too long..)

My HSG procedure did not turn well

We arrived at Klinik Daya early in the morning, around 7.50am..

just to ensure any unexpected circumstances

Park at Metro Parking which charged us RM4.00 per hour.

While waiting the clinic's operations hour, kami jalan2 sekitar bangunan DBKL sambil beli light breakfast

Of course la saya takde selera untuk makan

Around 8.10am, i went to the toilet utk masukkan ubat Voltaren Supp which 1 of the reader told me it is to help reduce our pain.

Fortunately it was an easy process

Then i go to the clinic, to check if i can wait inside the clinic (i refer to sum1's entry on this as well)

Bear in mind, there is no chair provided outside the clinic

Be it in DBKL's receiptionist or at pathway

The only area is at bus stand in front of the building

Nasib baik nurse tuh bagi masuk

At that time, we are the only and 1st patient

In my mind.."owh..takde org.boleh je kot datang lambat td..."(underestimate ok :))

We give the appointment letter and wait

The doctor arrived around 8.40am and my name was called at 8:55am

I changed my skirt and panties with robe provided

Siap salah pakai lg...hihihi

Then baring kat atas katil besi and wait for the doctor

rase nye 20-30 min i kena tunggu dia.

when he came,dia "proses" kan bwh kite tuh

Initially i don't felt any pain..because it feels like during my Pap Smear test

lama2..dah start rasa tak selesa, senak and pain

he took a very long time to ensure the equipment get in my womb (correct me if i'm wrong)

he's not rough doing his job but it's really painful

he keep saying..bukaan sempit,cannot go through

at that time i tried my best to give full cooperation..jgn keraskan badan!

then he started stress.he asked for break and will call me again

changed to my cloth..pakai pad

dekat robe tuh ada kena darah i sikit

i keluar2 tgk ramai gile patient tengah menunggu

when i saw my husband's face,terus rasa nak menangis

my hub ajak borak kt luar..then i cerita sambil nangis2

he advised me, if i can't bear it anymore then we just stop

i didn't agree..i'm already halfway and i won't give as that early

after 15 min, my name was called again

this time lebih lama

i can see doktor hampir putus asa

me also start crying sambil baca doa tak putus2

it feels like i was there for the whole day

seksanya hanya Allah je yang tau

conclusion..he already used 3 methods to do the procedure and finally he has some findings

after the session end,i asked from the nurse to give me 2 days mc because i become traumatized 

it's really painful

although the doctor and nurse give compliment for my patience during the procedure being done

actually, for normal process saya just kena ambil result and refer to Klinik Hamid Arshat

but since i'm a special case, the doctor would like to have consultation with me

he said that he did not satisfied with the earlier result

after had longer thought, he found the answer

my tubes were blocked..both of them!

but since he's not O&G doc,so leave it to Dr. Hamid to advise

we went to Klinik Dr. Hamid after we had lunch at Sogo (sempat lunch je)

sampai klinik during lunch hour and need to wait

when the times come, we're the 1st patient as well

Dr Hamid takde,ade emergency case kat Hospital Pantai

so i proceed with Dr. Aimy je

 Dr Aimy pelik my tubes were blocked because i got pregnant just a year ago

how it did happened..Allah je yang tau

if dia tau,awl2 lg dia dh start suruh buat HSG test

However, she give us 2 options since after scan memang takde fibroid

1) Operation - Laparoskopi, D&C, HSG, implant tube if necessary, cost about RM6-6.5k at klinik hamid.if at Pantai RM9k

2) IVF - RM20k but not guaranteed success

when she explained, i start crying

it was unexpected!

I've never imagine, i'll go through all of this

my husband would like to do another HSG test for 2nd opinion

but doc sympathy to me..i'm suffered!

she asked us to think of it and call back after we make decision

From there, i've already found my ultimate goal

i want to cure my root problem and operation is the best

my husband give the 3rd option which adopting child

but i refused

i want my own babies selagi i boleh

i understand my hub's concern

he doesn't me to suffer or in pain

now, we're finalizing the date

takut memang takut...sangat2

but i've to sacrifice and redha dengan ujian Allah

if this jalan yang saya kena tempuh to get babies, i will

i know there are thousand couples yang facing bigger problem than mine

it's just how we manage it

Ya Allah, give me strength to go through all of these

Coming up next..HSG

This morning i went to klinik hamid..dah called few days ago tanya what to do next.

so nurse suruh dtg klinik, amik surat and ubat.

so pagi tadi meredah hujan dan jem yg tak berkesudahan..:p

sampai sana,kt luar dh nmpk banyak gile kasut..masuk2,sah..ramai org!

since not plan to meet any doctor, so i met 1 of the staff

when she checked,rupa nya my referral letter tak siap lg

so kena tunggu japppppp...

when she called,dia tunjuk surat and brief direction to klinik daya

satu hape pun tak masuk dalam kepala saya

because i can't imagine it (saya memang buta sikit jalan2 KL,except jalan2 yg dah biasa lalu)

my appointment is next week, day 10

after dh dpt result HSG,kena terus dtg klinik hamid

then dia tnjk ubat plakkk

"yang nih u kena masukkan 30 min before start HSG.."

"nk masuk kat mane?"

"kt dubur.."

"whattttt?"

"iyer...u jgn masukkan dalam vagina plak"

"errr...sakit tak?..mcm mane nak tau benda nih dh betul2 masuk?"

"ala...buat mcm masuk ubat dlm baby kalo demam tuh.u g toilet..basahkan sikit tablet nih ngan air then u masukkan.since tak biasa then memang akan rasa tak selesa sikit.tak sakit pun..."

"(gulp)...ok"

seriau..pengsan!!

and then dia tunjukkan another ubat utk tahan sakit after HSG and ubat ponstan if continous sakit

total cost today adalah RM21

lupa nk tanya cost utk HSG nnt

my plan now is..if everything ok,saya nak stop dulu from any medication

untill 1 time saya ready for iui

but tak tau la kalo tibe2 berubah hati after dengar advice doc

on hubby's side,he'll always support my decision

because he believed,i'm the one yang akan tanggung efek nya..

more than him

now saya kena google more on HSG

till then..

daaa..

Wordless

Berenang2 dlm bowl kt workstation,lompat2,jatuh kt lantai and mati jd ikan kering

Share

Ada something yang saya mahu share which saya tak suarakan lagi pada husband..

Cuma berlegar2 di kepala saya

Walaupun husband saya dah tunjuk2 hint yang dia suspicious tapi saya buat tak layan je
taknak dia letak any harapan

From last week,not everyday..tp most of nights saya akan muntah2 teruk

tak kisah la before makan atau after makan

usually after makan la..

saya akan start rasa susah nk bernafas

then it goes semua makanan yg saya makan hari tuh berakhir dia toilet bowl

saya tak rasa loya

adala sikit..kadang2

but usually rasa perot menolak2 makanan tuh keluar

benda nih pernah jadi sebelum nih but not continuously la

so bile continuos nih,saya jadi tertanya2..

keep deny..i'm not pregnant berulang kali sebab taknak bagi harapan diri sendiri

lagipun walaupun i took clomid for this cycle but effort BD kami tak seberapa

saya syak it is something else because pinggang belah kanan selalu senak and pinggang belakang selalu lenguh especially time petang (abis keje)

yang saya tau,usually kalau saya sakit2 pinggang nih because of kencing kotor yada yada yada..

tp saya rasa saya minum air dan makan buah lebih dr biasa (lesson learnt from najis berdarah aritu)

my husband concern if pregnant tp ectopic sbb saya sakit2 kan..

tapi saya kata,kalau ectopic mesti lagi sakit sampai rasa ke bahu (itu gynae last pregnancy saya bagitau la)

so agak2 jela tahap kesakitan dia macam mane

i want to seek doc's advice but i don't have kekuatan n kerajinan utk g klinik..hehehe

lagipun,i'm only staff in my unit right now

susah sikit nak tinggalkan ofis

cover utk 3 org punye keje sekali..tp gaji still mcm tuh (eh,emo pasal keje plak..hihihi)

before i proceed further if rajin..i would like to seek opinion kalau sape2 penah mengalami mcm nih..

delusion je ke saya nih?hahaha

Update:Seperti yang saya agak,memang saya tak pregnant la kan.genap2 31 hari..saya period.proceed for next steps

a'way..thank you pada sahabat2 yg memberi kata semangat.saya x buat UTP seperti yg disaran sebab saya x rasa saya preggy plus belum sampai tempoh matang utk cek time tuh.

Wordless

Tengok je..jangan terliur plak..:)

Zumba..Finally!